The Invitation, a book about Christian coaching, has made the biggest impact on me this year. I am a practicing Christian and wanted to learn about how I can use coaching with Christian coachees. Stoltzfus runs an ICF-accredited coaching school and another one of his books, Leadership Coaching, is about coaching more generally. However, The Invitation is a book specifically about a Christian model of personal change. My biggest takeaway was how to incorporate prayer into coaching.
Stoltzfus lists sixteen psychological desires: see them in the image below (image source).
When my coachee is talking about something that I suspect is related to a deep desire, I explore to find the desire that is beneath the surface, and then choose a prayer question that asks Jesus how he has already been filling that desire.
For example, I was working with a woman whose family circumstances have changed and she found herself anxious about the future. I asked some questions to explore further what she is really seeking; a sense of peace, rest, acceptance, and purpose. After further delving, she decided that acceptance was what she was most keenly desiring. I suggested we pause and she ask a question in prayer: “Jesus, what do you like about me?” I asked her to ask the question and then sit quietly for 30 to 60 seconds and see what she heard, sensed, felt, or thought.
After this short interlude she reported that she felt God saying to her that he likes her willingness to follow and her love for others. I asked, “How does it impact your heart to hear him say that?” She reported that she felt a new experience of God’s love for her and commented that he also loves loving others.
The coaching continued with several more questions about her current circumstances. She chose two practical action steps to take later that week and her takeaways at the end of the coaching session were that Jesus loves her and has a plan for her life – which was a comfort to turn to in her anxiety.
This prayer strategy fits easily into my coaching practice. When I am using the GROW model, I can use this during the G questions. If I find out that what my coachee really wants is related to one of the sixteen desires, I can insert a prayer question. I have used this tool with my five Christian coachees and found it to be very helpful to them. It fits with their usual way of thinking about things in their lives: they are used to using prayer as a way of processing their life events and thoughts. It also now feels natural to me – although at first I found it scary, when I prayed about it, I heard God saying that he is used to talking with his children and I had nothing to worry about. I will continue to incorporate desire prayers into my coaching.